The Yearly Round

Since 2010, I've been minister of Christian Education and Worship at our church, Lorraine Avenue Mennonite Church.  I am still humbled and very thankful for the way this position came to be, and I feel tremendously blessed to be able to fulfill most of the obligations for this 1/4 time position from my home with my husband and children.

I also feel thankful for the times this work allows me to be off on my own for a few hours!

Since my previous paid employment involved ministry with elders, the learning curve in this "new" position has been steep.  I love children, but I have so, so, so very much to learn about ministry with kids and families.  Goodness, I have so very much to learn just about being present with my own to children.

I had a wonderful time creating this squared circle today.  Yesterday was Candlemas or Imbolc, and we will observe it as a church group this coming Wednesday when our Wednesday evening programming starts up again.  Ah...This quiet month of January has been a real gift.

I feel vulnerable putting my drawings out for all to see.  I don't draw often, but I loved decorating and illuminating papers, t-shirts, books, etc. as a young person.  When I find the time it is something I still enjoy.

I guess another thing about me is that I a.d.o.r.e. opportunities to create mandalas of meaning for myself and, with this one, hopefully some in my church family.  The feasts and observances in this wheel are not all observed at church.  Many of them are my own personal feasts, or feasts my family and I have shared with friends.

Since childhood I've had a strong desire to sacramentalize (?) my time.  To dedicate it in intentional ways.  I love the support for doing so that I find in the various communities I'm part of.

Blessings to all as we circle through the year.  If you're a Rudolf Steiner fan, you'll notice that I'm (probably) heavily, but indirectly, influenced by him.  Much of this stuff is just so instinctive, don't you think?

the squared circle that got me to a new place

from Coloring Mandalas by Susanne F. Fincher

"During stage 7, Squaring the Circle, the resolution of inner conflicts creates a stronger, more complex personality.  You may find yourself motivated by a sense of mission that engages your whole self in the accomplishment of worthy goals.  This mandala, like a crusader's shield, boldly announces, 'I am here.'"

That was me at age 36.  I remember settling myself down on a soccer field sideline, getting cozy in the warm, electric green grass.  I guess it was autumn, 2005, so I was just 35, about to turn 36.  I took out colored pencils, opened the book, and this image arrested my eyes.  I did not stop, as I recall.  I read the description, thought, "Oh yeah.  That's me," and set to work.  The four squares helped unify my soul.  The fragments of my spiritual self needed a common purpose to work for--me!

I discovered that I was not just chaplain, not just get-the-job-done-er.  I was struggling to integrate motherhood into my being and feeling like I did not have time to be a mother--that it was a part of myself that had to get shoved all the way to the margins to make room for the part that had to earn the money to keep the family afloat.

I still have much to learn from that experience.  Who we are is always changing, of course, thanks to new insights gained along the way.

Describing myself to myself as mother, wife, chaplain, woman, though, was a helpful exercise.  Though weak boundaries were causing me to see myself primarily as someone available to others but not herself, I experienced an amazing awakening through the simple act of coloring an image.

Isn't that something?  Thank you my sister Libby.  Thank you Joan Kellogg, C.G. Jung, Susanne F. Fincher, art therapists everywhere.

I am still thankful for that day, for that piece of paper, for images that bring fragments into wholeness.

new mandala

Here is a mandala / prayer I made last fall that I colored today while I listened to David the Gnome (thanks Leeala) with Henry. I can't explain why, but mandalas are just so important to me. Meaning, attempts at meaning, chaos...all safely enclosed in a circle. I usually end up creating/coloring mandalas when change is underway. I wonder what kind of change is coming? I've mentioned it before, but Susanne F. Fincher's books are especially meaningful to me.