Sunday evening post

On Sunday evening I got to spend extra quiet and relaxing time with this darlingperusing these interesting materials (the catalogs are just the eye candy I'd been waiting for; thanks, Leeala) while Joel and Henry prototyped a game that has to do with wolves and sheep.

Even though we're self-employed and employed without benefits, it has been nice to soak up the blessed quietness of a holiday weekend.

Tomorrow I will attempt my first feed-a-multitude potato salad. It will be basic: yellow mustard, potatoes, hard-cooked eggs, vinegar, mayonnaise, heavy cream, a little sugar. I'm nervous, but excited, too. My mother's potato salad is oh, so good. I don't care for the recipes that include pickle relish, so mine will just be that lovely pale yellow color I associate with summer evening meals.

home learning

Yesterday Henry read his first book. I took lots of pictures as the two of them read because their faces changed in the most expressive ways. Couldn't quite capture the glee on his face when he read "fight, fight, we fight all night."

Meanwhile, Anna and I watched. She's doing her own learning, swatting the toys on her bouncy seat with great fervor.

siblings

The sibling relationship is not always easy, but it is coming along beautifully. Henry doesn't like it when Anna cries for extended periods of time...like in the car when I am driving and we have already stopped at a rest stop once to nurse and ...

Mostly, though, I've been amazed by how he has welcomed her into his life, ooohing and aaahing. Someone asked me if it wasn't nice to have Henry off to school during the day so that I could have time with Anna alone. Actually, I like it better the way it is. Being home together except for Wednesdays and Thursdays makes it nicer and easier for us to be together. Time spent together strengthens our relationships and helps us appreciate the rhythms we share and those that are unique to each person.

sharing sleep

Henry called for me early this morning, so Anna and I both went to join him. Anna is learning to share sleep with everyone in her family--including her big brother, who sometimes puts his arm around her as she sleeps.

Last night Anna fell asleep gazing at Joel. She fussed when we turned out the light, so we kept it on and she just watched Joel as he smiled at her and his eyes grew heavy with sleep. I peeked around to look at her eyes and they were still wide open, gazing at her daddy.

Sharing sleep has been a wonderful way for our family to stay connected through the tense times and busy days that come around.

compassion

To those who read the previous post, thank you. Thank you for having compassion on me working with my grief over needing to leave my baby when at my place of employment. Really, what's life about but learning to live with our stuff and finding the courage to work on it? Again and again I'm reminded that there are so many ways to get from here to there. Thanks for looking through one of my windows. Love and joy to all mothers, working at home and away from home, loving their children all the while.

sleepy treatise on nursing and working

Here she is at about eight weeks--photo taken about a week ago. We went for her two-month check-up yesterday and learned she's 12# 10 oz. in the nude. Way to go, Anna! Her onesie comes from Paul, who works here.

I've had the idea for this post in my head for days, but I'm too tired now to carry it out with as much thought as I had intended. Just read this blogger's post about the breastfeeding relationship and carrying it out over the long-er haul. I'm happy for her that she's going to a really cool writers' workshop, but sad that women who work "outside the home," to use that quaint turn of phrase, are constantly expected to put their children's needs behind those of their employers/vocations.

Yes, I know it is important to ply oneself to the task at hand, but I don't understand why working mothers, especially the mothers of children under a year, are not afforded more options in deciding how to mother and how to continue the breastfeeding relationship through at least the first year of the baby's life.

What might these options be? More U. S. employers, according to a recent NPR report, are making it possible for infants under six months to accompany their mothers to work. It is my humble opinion that, were the work world to take this idea seriously, interested nursing-working mothers from all sectors of the work world would do their best to make the arrangement worthwhile for employer and employee alike. I work as a chaplain in a long-term care setting and believe that, with the support of my mother (who is Anna's caregiver on the days I work), I could successfully have lovely Anna with me 40 to 80 per cent (or maybe more) of the time I'm on the job. Moreover, I think the women who work alongside me as nurse aides, nurses and med. aides could also, with a staffed baby room within a 30-second walk, have their babies (held safely in slings) close by much of the time they are working.

Another option, of course, would be that our nation could grant mothers / families twelve months of maternity or paternity leave when a baby is born. Right there we could do so much to ensure successful mother-baby breastfeeding relationships for at least the first year of life. And save ourselves some money in health care expenses, too, considering all that's been written about how breastfeeding ensures good health for the mother-child dyad.

For me, full-time ministry and full-time mothering don't mix. I feel too divided in my soul if I have to choose (in the middle of the night or on a birthday or too many week nights in a row) between my children and my career. I want my children to win, because I'm the only mother they have. Even working fewer hours than I did before Anna was born (about twelve now instead of about sixteen), those two days of working outside the home take me four days to catch up from.

When Henry was an infant I nursed him in the middle of the day and then pumped my milk in the morning and afternoon. I felt okay about this arrangement. It seemed like the best it could be given the circumstances. I was thankful to have a husband who was committed to getting our baby to me once a day. Now, thanks to my mother (who lives a short walk from my office) and my employer's willingness to let me be flexible with my schedule, I don't even have to pump. My nursing relationship with Anna can continue on work days and at-home days.

Here's the thing: like many women in the workforce, if I were to quit my very meaningful job right now (or if I were to be "terminated"), Joel and I would face great difficulty continuing to feed and house our family. The money I earn is not recreational or even savings money; it is essential to our family's well-being. True, we'd come up with some kind of alternative; we'd have to. But that alternative may well be my going back to full-time work in a lower paying job, taking both Joel and me away from home and our children nearly 100 per cent of the work week.

Oh, my earnest prayer is that all families would have the security they need to start their children off in the world. I wish all mothers who want to could breastfeed their infants 100 per cent of the time. If you're passionate about this topic, you might read this and listen to this. After listening to that last link, I felt exceptionally ambivalent about the National Organization for Women.